My blog sucks less than your blog.

I've been reading a lot of blogs about blogs that suck lately. This blog sucks, that blog sucks. My blog sucks. Your blog sucks. Everybody's blog sucks. One blogger I read had written about how he'd read another blog that really sucked, but, realizing it reminded him of his own sucky blog, thought it might be time to stop sucky blogging and delete the whole sucky thing. That sucks. All this blog bashing makes me think about starting a blogging training service. After all, people spend a lot of time blogging, so they want to do it well, right? We'll call it, hmmmm, let's see, how about Nega-blogger? Because your blog sucks. For a nominal fee, I'll read your blog, and tell you how much it sucks. Why take free feedback when you can pay for it? Free stuff is worthless, right? I could even write "blogging programs" for people. You know, simple exercises, stuff I see other bloggers doing, but I could spell it all out in a matrix and send it to you by email, your very own personalized "Monthly Blogging Plan." Then instead of mindlessly enjoying writing your blog every day, you could look up your scheduled blogging activity on your plan, and then just do that-- no need for thinking or creativity!

The best part for you is that blogging will no longer be free. Since it's costing you hard earned dollars every month, you'll be sure to do more of it. Nothing is going to make you stick to your blogging plan and improve month over month like writing out that check. Having a paid blogging coach shows the world that you are serious. No more making up excuses for the friends and family about why you have to blog. It's not that you want to blow off your kid's recital, your coach says you just gotta stay home and blog.

Am I qualified to do this? Well, let's see, I have a blog. I've been blogging for a year. Heck, I even know how to use the new Blogger. Hell's yeah, I'm qualified. Blogging training could be big business though. There are a lot of bloggers out there. We can't have just anybody running around pretending to be a blogging coach. Maybe instead of actually reviewing blogs myself, I'll start "The United States Blogging Society," or USBS for short. Then as USBS president, I can develop a test for would be blogging coaches, then charge them a few bucks to take an open book exam. Upon passing, I'll give them a fancy title like "USBS Level 1 Blogging Adviser." For even more money, if they can prove they speak English (does any other language really matter?) and spell "internet," we'll teach them CPR and give them an even fancier title, you know, to show they're qualified to coach advanced bloggers.

This is the best idea I've had all year. I can't believe that no one has thought of this before. Thanks for reading.