Slime From the Video

I am gross and perverted
I'm obsessed 'n deranged
I have existed for years
But very little has changed
I'm the tool of the Government
And industry too
For I am destined to rule
And regulate you

I may be vile and pernicious
But you can't look away
I make you think I'm delicious
With the stuff that I say
I'm the best you can get
Have you guessed me yet?
I'm the slime oozin' out
From your TV set



I'm the Slime, by Frank Zappa. Tina Turner and the Ikettes did the background vocals!


The World Series. Again. Do the names George, Mike, Rico, Joe, Tony, Reggie, Carl, Elston, and Jim mean anything to you? If they don't, then you're just not a Red Sox fan. I've been doing a lot of running lately, and it dawned on me that the first time I ever ran a mile straight was running home from elementary school to watch Bob Gibson and the St. Louis Cardinals take on and defeat the 1967 Boston Red Sox in the World Series. Many games were in the afternoon then. I was even lucky enough to be sitting in the bleachers at Fenway for the second to last game of the regular season that year. I was a little bummed the next day, because when the Sox won the pennant (no playoffs in those days) everyone got to run on the field. Pandamonium, which was a new word for me back then.

TV was black and white. At least it was in our house. Now we're here watching the Sox in the series for second time in three years. On television...

I don't have cable. I had it for free due to a cable company error (I'm not kidding) for several years. It sucked. Yeah, I could watch the Tour (did not buy a Lincoln Navigator), the Giro (never once have visited the Olive Garden), and even the Vuelta (don't remember the ads, but at least it was a break from the WTC incident). When the evil Comcast sent me a letter noting that they had "corrected their error" and pulled the plug on my free ride, I declined to start paying for something that really wasn't worth it when it was free. Most of the time I don't miss it. Then there are the baseball playoffs...

Messing with the rabbit ears kinda blows, I'll admit it. I've thought about just getting rid of the box altogether and recovering the space. But it's nice to watch the games at home sometimes, although the late starts have me falling asleep. The constant ads though - WTF? Are ED and frequent urination really that big of a business that they can finance a full scale assault on the senses during the entire fucking World Series? I get it, I get it, you can't get a boner and you have to take a piss. Now get the fuck away from me, ok?

Then we have Joe Buck. Truth be told, Joey is not getting on my nerves so much this year. Maybe they hired that obnoxious promo guy (some comedian?) to do the "only one October" spots just to make Buck more likable. Not that McCarver doesn't already do enough of that. Get him a condo in Palm Springs and send him on his way with some complimentary Cialis and Flomax, but no more "insight." Yeah, I know, he was a '67 Cardinal, maybe that's why I don't like him. Good reason.

GO SOX, but kill your television. I'm going to have a Kill Ugly Radio. Sorry 'bout the Rockies Bold. Thanks for reading.